WE'VE DONE THIS DANCE BEFORE...

Understanding the world of entertainment, specifically Television, is a lot like trying to get a grasp on the reason Hummingbirds can fly. As I once heard it put, "the properties of physics say the hummingbird should not be able to sustain flight. Not knowing this, it flies." You could say pretty much the same for TV executives: With the often ridiculous decisions they make, they shouldn't hold such lofty, well paid positions. Not knowing this, they continue to work.

You'd have to factor in the human aspect: money, power, favoritism, and the nagging truth that looking indecisive could have a disastrous result. This doesn't stop the messes from being made over, and over, and over again. Take, for example, NBC's current late night melt down.

Yes, we've been to this dance before. It's hard to believe it will soon be 18 years since Johnny Carson abdicated his throne as King of Late Night TV. A generation of legal adults have no idea who he was or what he did for close to 30 years. They also have no knowledge of what a catastrophe NBC made of deciding upon a successor.

The story is well told by New York Times TV Critic Bill Carter, in his book, "The Late Shift." HBO made a movie based on it. Johnny Carson's audience was growing as old as Johnny himself (66 when he stepped down from the Tonight Show, May 22, 1992). Arsenio Hall's nightly syndicated party had drawn away enough younger viewers to make NBC execs shiver in their boots. No competitor, from Joey Bishop to Pat Sajak, had ever put a dent in the armor of Carson's ratings. Those who viewed Arsenio were not enough to do any damage, but young enough to convince NBC execs to try and ease Johnny out the door. Carson, long aware of his power and what he meant to NBC's bottom line, hit the network with a pre-emptive strike, announcing his retirement date at a function for affiliated stations, almost exactly a year in advance. Then the race was on.

In one corner, David Letterman, host of Late Night, who's program was one of the first VCR favorites. Those who couldn't stay up until 12:30 to watch him, taped the snarky, hilarious, nightly antics for viewing at a later time.

In the other corner, Jay Leno, Johnny's permanent Guest Host for Tuesday nights, holidays and vacations. Carter's book, and the film, zeroed-in on the behind-the-scenes backbiting, treachery and egomania that resulted in NBC choosing Leno over Letterman. As a viewer, I enjoyed Leno's monologues, but Letterman was so much more. Dave, of course, bolted for CBS. This was after NBC made a slap-in-the face offer: They'd give him the reigns of The Tonight Show after two years of Jay as host. Letterman, who seriously wanted The Tonight Show (and Johnny Carson wanted him to have it) had to think hard about it. Looking back, his decision was a no brainer--he created his own show at CBS, rather than give NBC the chance to shaft him again in two years.

Today, January 12, 2010, Conan O'Brien said no to an NBC plan that would have pushed his current Tonight Show to 12:05 AM. Have we done this dance before? How could NBC believe Conan, regardless of the millions and millions he'd continue to make, would accept being pushed back a half-hour later? It was NBC executives who created this untenable situation when they thought they'd lose Conan, so they hatched a plan to retire Leno in 2009, and have O'Brien leave his !2:35 show, then ascend to the Tonight hosting duties. What well-paid individual in a butter-brickle suit with paisley suspenders and alligator shoes didn't think that Leno, having lead the late night ratings race since 1995, would not have a change of heart and want to continue his career?

What data-spewing, demon seed of a diletante truly believed that, regardless of network TV's shrinking audience, five nights of Jay bantering with Kevin Eubanks, and a wafer thin alteration of his Tonight Show format, would be better television than the dramas on CBS at 10pm? Now that they have admitted the failure publicly (thanks to near revolt by affiliated stations that have seen ratings for 11PM news plummet across the country), their plan was to give Jay back a half hour of his old time slot, then hose Conan by starting Tonight at 12:05. Conan's capitol is less, now that, after 7 months, Letterman has dominated on CBS.

Like so many in life, they'll never learn. Leno now has his show back, and no doubt his audience will slowly return, as he's the nice guy in the battle, and Letterman the smart-ass. Conan will more than likely wind up on Fox. They'll all make money. Their comfort is not the issue, here. It's the stupidity of the decision-makers. It's that we all watch and care. That's the issue. We watch these shows, and relate to the shitty way people get treated, whether they are wealthy performers or not. And we definitely relate to being force-fed moronic decisions by people who know better, but just aren't wired to do the right thing by ANYONE, even themselves.

A TIGER IN YOUR TANK

I have to repeat what I've written a few posts back--my opinion of Letterman remains unchanged, regardless of his office dalliances. I've seen worse in the work place. As long as there was consent, who cares? I've seen legitimate quid pro quo, and it's sickening. Perhaps my view would be different if I'd worked for Letterman and lost an opportunity to someone he was seeing. But since I don't and didn't, I say why it's his business. He made some moves that were morally unwise, but he's still funny.

If Tiger Woods had been honest and upfront, he would have weathered his storm a little better. Who really knows? The bottom line is that it's not our business. BUT--when an athlete so meticulously cultivates a commercial brand, so painstakingly creates a public persona to better snag huge endorsements, he should be ready for the scrutiny that comes when fame takes its eventual downturn.

My question is, who knew?? Who gave two minutes of thought to the possibility that the greatest golfer of this era (maybe ANY era) had the libido of a West Texas bull? And who thought he could be silly enough to tomcat around and actually trust his many paramours to keep quiet?

It makes all the sense in the world that a man with that kind of talent, that kind of competitive fire, would surely be capable of chasing the proverbial "p---- on the side." But, wow! It would have taken exceptional powers of perception to divine that this man's hormones were surging in such a way as to wash a testasterone tsunami over cocktail waitresses and party hostesses from here to East Jesus!

All too human, and in hindsight, all to understandable. However, it's between he and his wife. Judge, lest we be judged. We're not perfect, regardless of what ads for Nike may have implied about Tiger, and discounting his millions, he's just a guy with problems...like the rest of us.

FINAL TAKE: LATE NIGHT TV

The true loser in this latest late night bruhaha would be Carson Daly. I've asked this question for the last several years, and still haven't gotten a satisfactory answer: Who believes Carson Daly has talent? Teenaged girls did. Did any one NOT in a frenzy over seeing recording artists on MTV think this once pudgy fellow had the slightest ounce of charisma? Bland and non-challenging, he's had a pretty good career over the last twelve years. From MTV's last music based show Total Request Live, to Bob Costas and Greg Kinnear's old Later show on NBC, and that network's New Year's Eve specials, to engagements to hotties like Jennifer Love Hewitt and this month's Playboy cover girl Tara Reid, the guy has done damned well for not having any perceptible personality.

It doesn't matter. When you make the right connections, you don't dig for gold, the gold comes to you. Carson Daly is the new morning guy at 97.1 AMP-FM in L.A. "Music will drive the show," he said. I should hope so!

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